Going on a date with me tonight.

It’s one of those nights were I can’t stop thinking about you.
What might’ve happened if you chose me. If you asked me to stay. 

And sadly, I would’ve.

I would’ve left my independence, my growth, to stay and give us another chance. 

I hate that you still get to me. I don’t even have to see your face. I see a place, I hear a song, and it takes me back. My heart still sinks anytime I hear your name. 

I’ll probably thank you in the future for making my decision easier to go, and for letting me be me outside of you, but I still wonder just what would’ve come of me if you were by my side. 

Tears flood thinking about it.

Tonight I’m going to have a date night for myself. A night to reflect and be vulnerable to sadness, because the move is soon and I need to be okay with the quiet times. 

The fact that people are even putting up pics with an unequal sign makes me sick. Because that’s exactly what that’s representing, the fact that they believe the LGBT community is unequal and is undeserving of any right they (“the norm”) have. Are we not all human? All love? All have mothers, fathers, brothers, and sisters that just want a fair chance at living?

No freedom ‘til we’re equal.

Can we just talk about how I smoked on stage while Wavves was playing last night?

Crossing that shit off my bucket list REAL quick.

Just pre-ordered Wavves’ new record “Afraid of Heights”. On vinyl. It comes with buttons. I can’t breathe.

Also they’ll be in Dallas March 17, so I’ll see you Texans there. HOLLA.

If I could just have an ounce of swag that Rhianna has….

breaking point

I’m at a point where I honestly can’t remember the last time I was happy. The last time I didn’t have a dark shadow trailing behind me. When I could wake up not feeling upset or alone.

I feel sick I’m so sad. My stomach feels upside-down and my heart feels empty. I miss my family. I wish I didn’t have to worry about money and finding a job. My grades are better, finally, but it’s not enough for that scholarship I need. I keep feeling like no matter how hard I try, it won’t be good enough.

I see people in and out of my house, happy, enjoying the change in the weather and still giddy from the weekend, but I’m just cold.

crackedfixtures said: What are you getting a tattoo of? :) I can't wait to see!

It’s of a shark’s tooth on each foot! They’re for my brothers.

Long story short, my grandma taught my brothers and I how to hunt for shark’s teeth since we were little on this beach in North Carolina. The two most common shark’s teeth we found on our coast were from Mako sharks and Sand Tiger sharks. I got one of each of those shark’s teeth on my feet symbolizing my brothers and I’s memories on the beach with my family. The symbolizing with the two different teeth is because my brothers are both so different, but we’re all so close. No matter what, we fight for each other. They’re my warriors, and I’d do anything for them, including getting these incredibly painful tattoos on my feet!

I’ll put up pictures tomorrow when they’re out of their bandages! c;


what WHAAAT.

too excited.

I mean I could go out…

but I’d rather dance in my underwear and drink by myself. Let’s be real.

I’m too upset to be around the real world. Time to make one of my own.

One day I will find a boy who isn’t ashamed of me. Who will want to show me off and let me stand by his side, through the good and the bad.
One day I will find a boy who sends me messages for no reason at all. Who wants to know how I’m doing and who will actually listen.
One day I will find a boy who isn’t a boy, but a man. A man that can share how he’s feeling with no bullshit or avoiding the subject. A man that cares enough to tell me the whole truth and not just a skim of the surface.
One day I will find a boy who understands that I am not a perfect human, nor will I ever be, and that’s okay. Someone that understands that relationships are tough and need work, but they are worth the effort.

One day I will understand this, but for now, I feel alone, miserable, and stupid. I still regret nothing, but I wish that you felt the same as I feel. I’m just disappointed is all, and this will take me a while for me to get over.

It just goes to show,

I can’t trust anyone. If this gets out, any chance of us working out is ruined. Thanks for spreading this like wildfire, “friends”.

I love the mornings when I wake up next to you.

When the first thing I see is the light from the blinds making lines on your back.
When you touch my cheek and kiss me good morning.
When I trace your spine and you scratch my arms.
When I don’t want to move one inch from where you are.
The mornings when I don’t care about my hair, my un-kept makeup, or my morning breath, because you tell me I’m beautiful anyway.
When I don’t care about that consequences to come. Just to be in that moment.

The mornings I wake up with you make me the happiest. I hope you feel the same.

I don’t regret anything.

Anything. This past week, or in my life.

Yes, this week has been torture on my mind, and I don’t know if it was necessarily the right decision at the time, but it was supposed to happen like this. So I learn from my mistakes. So I can become stronger and wiser from my low moments. Even though my head and body feel like they’re about to explode both from being anxious and from the medicine I’m taking, it’s going to be okay. I know that now.

Breathe, and move on.

I don’t regret anything, and I’m glad I have the friends I do to help me and support me even when I’m not so smart.

This year is going to be a crazy good one, I can feel it.


Officially working at Jimmy Johns next Saturday :)

I have to take out my nose ring at work though… Oh well. GOOD BYE UNEMPLOYED WORLD.

Today is my first day as a sophomore at UNT.

Thank god I’m not a freshman anymore. I feel so comfortable at my school now. Finally starting to realize this will be my home for the next three years.

Happy school year, everybody!